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Saturday, June 22, 2013

Friday, May 31, 2013

National Stepfamily Resource Center

Even the most balanced, well meaning, healthy, open minded, self actualized woman, who finds herself falling in love with a man, father to children from a previous relationship, cannot anticipate or comprehend the full potential of  challenges she faces regarding building a future marriage as a step-mother.  You think step parenting is hard?  It's nothing compared to contending with a woman who is hurting from learning of her ex's impending nuptuals.  This volatile concoction is likely to present a challenge known by stepmothers & mothers only.
Imagining your children visiting their father brings warm memories and feelings of relief. Now visitation with their father has been forever changed.  Visitation includes another woman.
No matter how amicable the break up was, how strong a woman feels she has become from the experience of divorce, no matter if she has moved on and entered into a relationship or marriage herself, the dynamic of another woman having a part in the development of her child's psychy, can be an emotional land mine.   The mother of the children is likely to feel anger and confusion.  So much so it can be toxic.  Impending nuptuals can illicit an intense feelings of threat, followed by a sense that mama bear needs to protect her cubs from that threat.
My biological mother was killed when I was an infant.  I was adopted at the age of two.  My parents divorced and both remarried.  Thus I had to learn how to cope with two sets of parents and two households and the rules in both households.  I have an open adoption with my first born.  Thus I had to contend with and learn to cope with another woman raising my son.  As an adult woman I married a man that had three children with two different woman prior to our marriage.  I can say with confidence that motherhood has had many different flavors in my life.
Nothing compared to the injured ex-girlfriend/baby mama anger and alienation campaign.  It was something I was unprepared for.  I knew nothing about it.  I did not realize what was happening until we were so deep into the process, it was too late to change my mind.  I was married and had my own child with a man with three children.  This man is still my husband.
Today there is a wealth of information on step parenting and blended families.  There are groups in many cities and online one can learn from.  Wide varieties of studies, experience, and resource are available to anyone.  Please seek and share support for this potentially difficult process.
I do not recommend being a step parent.  It is the hardest love of all.  No matter what I do, it is never enough and it's always a threat.  My heart is eased a tiny bit with the shift I see happening in various states with the family law reform movement.  It is my opinion that our family laws and family courts have a LONG way to go.
If you find yourself with a man who is a father to children from a previous relationship beware.  Seek support and make sure to wait before having children with this breed of man.  I say this for the sake of all children involved and for no other reason.  My husband is the kindest man and best father I know.  But if you look at court transcripts forensicly, you will see an entirely different picture.  Good luck and here is a link for women who are or who are considering becoming a stepmother.
Where National Stepfamily Resource Center

Thursday, March 21, 2013

An outstanding Hip Hop Song by a Native American Artist

Indigenous Hip Hop! I love this song, the production, everything about it. I'd love to see this kids win a Grammy!